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Snail mail tale

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SAN DIEGO (CBS 8) - In this age of online meeting, texting and Tweeting, I'm lagging behind like a Clydesdale at the Kentucky Derby.

Despite the onslaught of social networking, I'm surprised at all the snail mail I still get. Some of it is my fault.

I'm too electronically illiterate to do all of my banking online, so I still get some bills in the mail. But the rest of the junk that gets to my front door mostly speaks to my uncertain future.

When I was in my 40s, I used to get solicitations for credit cards. In my 50s, there were offers for cheesy investment opportunities or refinancing rip-offs. But now in my 60s, I'm out of the deficit demographic.

The junk mail I receive is directly aimed at my mortality. Inquiring minds want to know, are my horizons secure? (No, actually they are sagging a little bit.) Will my Medicare be enough? Has my will been updated? Do I want to be buried at sea? (I'm already buried in debt.) What about long-term care? Do I really want to be a burden to my family? Of course I do, after all, they've been a burden to me.

There are all kinds of offers for seniors' housing, retirement living, assisted living, barely living, all of the brochures featuring the same good-looking 70-something couples sitting around a swimming pool, guzzling white wine like it was happy hour in the Gaslamp.

Between the cheap chardonnay and the discount prescription drugs, I know why they're all so happy. Look, all the questions that these ads raise are relevant and ones that I must face in the upcoming years. And even though I don't feel my age, I'm sure as cranky as an O.F.

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